


Say Something

by apollothyme



Category: Marvel
Genre: Happy Ending, Just Tony being Tony, M/M, Tony being dumb about his feelings, Tony risking his life for the greater good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-06
Updated: 2013-09-06
Packaged: 2017-12-25 19:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/956806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apollothyme/pseuds/apollothyme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He realizes he’s in love on a Sunday morning.</p><p>Is that dumb? Looking back, he kind of thinks it’s dumb. Not the fact that it was on a Sunday morning, that was pretty random and really, it could have happened at any other time. No, what he means is that there was a moment where he stopped, looked at the man in front of him and the only thing he could think was ‘Holy shit, I love you’. That’s pretty dumb.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Something

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this fic and the lyrics are all from the song [Say Something](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVgixOjGhVU) by A Great Big World. This song inspired me to write this fic, although I ended up changing the order of the lyrics so it matched my story's direction. Oops.
> 
> Set a bit after the Avengers movie, this fic is dedicated to [Priya](http://royswordsman.tumblr.com) and [Anna](http://notevenwinded.tumblr.com/), who are always blogging about Steve/Tony and got me back into the fandom. Not beta'ed by anyone, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.
> 
> Any critiques, comments, reviews or basic spell-checks are appreciated. x

Blood tastes of copper. Strange and metallic. When you feel it dance on your tongue, you can’t lick your lips afterwards, searching for another hint of the forbidden.

Water tastes of purity. After a long battle or just a long day, it gives you life, even if just for a second. It washes away the dirt and the pain, and leaves you ready for another battle, another day.

Coffee tastes bitter. If it’s not bitter, it’s not done right. The power it sends through your arteries is intoxicating. It is energy and motivation all combined into one.

Tears taste of the sea. Salty and old, reminiscent of the big blue, all alone as they streak down your face, past your lips, dipping beneath your chin.

Falling in love with someone you can’t have tastes of poison. Sweet. So sweet you don’t even notice it’s carrying your death sentence until it’s too late.

\- - -

_say something i'm giving up on you_  
 _i'll be the one if you want me to_  
 _anywhere i would have followed you_  
 _say something i'm giving up on you_

\- - -

He realizes he’s in love on a Sunday morning.

Is that dumb? Looking back, he kind of thinks it’s dumb. Not the fact that it was on a Sunday morning, that was pretty random and really, it could have happened at any other time. No, what he means is that there was a moment where he stopped, looked at the man in front of him and the only thing he could think was ‘Holy shit, I love you’. That’s pretty dumb.

He’s Tony Stark, for crying out loud. He should have seen it coming, should have read the signs and did the math and asked Jarvis to run a couple of hypothesis and theories on all the data. And there was data. Tons of it. You just had to look at the security footage at the mansion and see Tony actually putting in an effort to spend time with Steve, a pretty unprecedented deal with the exception of Pepper, who wasn’t an exception at all now that he thought about it, and anyone could tell that there was something else there.

Well, everyone but Tony, who only realized he was in love with Captain America on a Sunday morning.

They were all at the kitchen, having breakfast together after having saved the world the day before. It wasn’t unusual for them all to eat together, but it wasn’t common enough either that the event went by unnoticed. Steve made special pancakes with chocolate chips, and Tony tried to participate in the conversation instead of just slumping on the table and drinking his coffee sideways - a real skill, by the way.

Clint was talking about how great he was at boats - was boats even a skill? Tony was pretty sure it wasn’t, but who was he to argue - and everyone was half paying attention, half just the gathering energy they needed to face the day. Tony remembered with pinpoint accuracy the moment when he looked at Steve, who was smiling with his eyes shining like some sort of Disney character, and it suddenly hit him. He loved that man. He did.

It had been growing on him for months. A combination of too many earnest smiles and too many open laughs. When Tony was a kid, he thought Captain America was perfect. Now that he was grown up and over his initial moment of pettiness over meeting the great Captain America, he was painfully aware of how right he’d been as a child.

Oh sure, Steve had flaws. Everyone had them. But his flaws just seemed right, like they fit perfectly with who he was and all had their own purpose and reason, serving only to make Steve a better guy.

Distantly, Tony was aware that his opinion might be the slightest bit biased, but he was in love, as tough as the words were to chew after his breakup with Pepper, and he felt like he was allowed to be biased.

And for the next forty-three seconds, everything felt perfect too. Tony was in love with Captain America - no, Steve - who came down to his workshop after Tony spent too much time working and brought food. Who let Tony show him the wonders of television, including a Lord of The Rings marathon with toilet breaks only available between movies. Who liked to draw the New York City skyline with the Avengers in it, Iron Man soaring above everyone else.

For forty-three seconds, it was all alright, and then Steve turned his head and laughed a bit too brightly at something Natasha said and Tony - always quick to assume the worst, always quick to imagine the future, always quick to think he knew what everyone else thought and felt and wanted, always quick to think himself beneath others - realized that while he was in love with Steve, his feelings were not and would never be reciprocated.

It stung more than it hurt.

“Is everything alright, Tony?” Steve asked him, after he noticed the way Tony was staring fixedly at him.

“Sure,” Tony lied, because lying was easy, lying was an escape. He flashed a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and picked up his mug, out the door in less than five seconds.

If anyone noticed his odd behavior, they didn’t comment on it.

Maybe if they had, the next few months would have gone differently, but alas Tony was left alone in his workshop, with too much free time to think and plan and tinker.

Steve didn’t like him back, that much was obvious to him. Steve was good. He was an American hero, the man his father wasted years trying to find. Even if by some odd chance Steve liked guys, he would never like Tony, who was loud and obnoxious and egocentric and had so many other flaws he’d lost count.

The best thing to do would be to just ignore his stupid feelings and wait until they went away, but who was he kidding? That was never going to happen. He knew from personal experience with Pepper that he was shit at acting casual. He could try, but eventually he would slip and he’d do something stupid like kiss Steve or get too close and then Steve would know and their friendship would go down the drain and everything would become awkward and awful.

Tony couldn’t let that happen.

His next plan, in terms of what it’d do to their friendship, wasn’t much better, but at least it would allow them to continue being team mates.

Tony would just have to stop spending time with Steve. Push him away. Say a couple of mean things, watch Steve realize what a jerk he truly was and that was it. No more stupidly wonderful Steve to tiptoe around, no more worrying about messing up, no more… anything.

Sunday mornings had always been Tony’s favorite time of the week. The light always seemed softer, every movement slower and every piece of food tasted sweeter than it would taste at any other time.

Not so much anymore.

Tony’s coffee tasted bitter like ash and lemon juice, but maybe that was just how Tony felt.

Maybe.

\- - -

_and i am feeling so small_  
 _it was over my head_  
 _i know nothing at all_

\- - -

In becoming more distant to Steve, Tony becomes more distant to everyone else as well, which is fine, not a bother at all. They were supposed to be teammates anyway, not friends. If he missed a lot of movie nights and outings, it wasn’t like he was ever there to know that.

He spent most of his time at the Tower. It was easier being there than being at the mansion, surrounded by the world he’d always known. It made avoiding Steve a piece of cake.

After three or so months, Bruce left the team, or rather the Hulk did. They tried to go after him, but it was clear the big guy didn’t want to be found so they let the matter go. “An Avenger is always an Avenger,” Steve said, clearly meaning that if Bruce ever came back, they would welcome him with open arms.

Jan, one of Tony’s few childhood friends and her husband, Hank Pym, join the team. They’re alright, Tony thinks. Hank looks like he has a couple of loose screws, but who doesn’t? They love each other, and who is Tony to pass judgement.

His feelings for Steve don’t go away. He was expecting that. He always has on foot on the present, another lifted to fall on the future, so he’s good at seeing what has yet to happen. He also knows himself fairly well, although sometimes he wishes he didn’t. Steve tries to keep their relationship afloat for the first couple of months, but eventually he gives up. There are only so many rejections a man can take before it gets to him. Although the invitations kept coming for longer than Tony thought they would, and he’s almost sad - pathetic, he knows - when they stop.

He doesn’t know what Steve thinks of his behavior, doesn’t ask either. They still work as a team, that’s all that matters.

On the 17th of November, Victor Von Doom attacks New York City with a swarm of intelligent bots. In the midst of the widespread panic, he manages to sneak into Stark Tower and set up an bomb at one of the lower levels. By the time he returns to witness the chaos he produced and gloat, the Avengers have the situation mostly in control, but Victor’s words are enough to set Tony and Steve flying and running, respectively, towards the Tower.

"That son-of-a-bitch," grumbled Tony to himself as he landed at the bottom of the tower, "with all the places in world to plant a bomb, he goes and plants it inside my tower? I hate villains."

"Hear, hear," said Clint over the comm. The relationship between Tony and Clint might not be the best - might barely exist is a better way to put it - but Iron Man and Hawkeye were well-known for their banter during battles.

"Iron man," Steve called, running to catch up, "wait up."

"I'd love to, Cap, but I've got a bomb to disarm."

"Yes, and you're not going to do it alone," Steve replied, all fierce determination.

That was the main difference between Captain America and Steve, and yes, there were differences. While Steve tried not to intrude on other people’s business when he felt like he had no right to, Captain America had very little problems in telling people what to do and telling everyone to shut up when he wanted to be heard.

It was kind of hot, but Tony avoided thinking about it.

"Thanks, but no thanks," said Tony with more venom than necessary, turning around to face him. "You need to help evacuate the area, I'll deal with the bomb."

"No," Steve replied, not wavering in the slightest.

"What?" Tony asked. Was this really happening? What part of ‘bomb’ had Steve missed?

"I'm not letting you do this alone," Steve repeated, frowning at Tony from behind his cowl.

"You do know what will happen to you if that bomb goes off, right? You're wearing a skin-tight leather costume,” said Tony.

"And what will happen to you?"

Well, Tony had seen the sensor readings and he'd looked at the bomb's specs, so he was safe in the knowledge that he'd be blown to pieces if the damn thing went off with him in the room, but how did _Steve_ know that?

"I'll make it," he lied. Steve didn't look like a believed a word he said.

Alright, thought Tony, time for plan B.

"Fine," he said and then turned around and headed towards the nearest staircase.

Steve followed him wordlessly and it wasn't until they reached the door to the stairs and Tony turned around in one swift moment that he realized Tony Stark was many things, and a stubborn pain in the ass was one of them.

"Sorry, Cap," said Tony after his metal fist connected with Steve's face. For what it was worth, Tony avoided the nose, aiming at his forehead.

Steve wouldn't stay down for long, but hopefully it would be long enough. To be on the safe side, Tony melted the entrance pad on every door behind him, which would severely delay him.

If this all went wrong, Tony could already see his tombstone.

Anthony Edward Stark  
1973-2014  
Dick Extraordinaire

"I'm going to disarm the bomb. Steve is safe," he said over the comms. If anyone asked him what he meant by that, Tony didn't hear.

The thing he hated the most about Doctor Doom, besides the stupid name and the ridiculous outfit, was that even though he was an annoying piece of shit who fucked himself every night and enjoyed it, he was also astoundingly smart. The bomb in front of Tony, more complex and deadly than he imagined it, was proof of this.

The clock on it had red, bold letters - supervillains were made of cliches - and it showed him Tony had three minutes to disarm the bomb or bye bye to New York. Awesome. Working under pressure was always terrific fun.

Putting sarcasm aside - it wasn’t as much fun if no one could hear him - Tony had Jarvis run all possible scans on the mechanism in front of him.

“Anything?” he asked. There were no visible cables, nothing he could rewire or cut, just two containers with enough nitroglycerin to blow up New York and a small, metal box with the clock.

“I am afraid the shell of the mechanism is made out of Tungsten, sir. It would take ten minutes with the repulsors at full capacity to open it.”

“We don’t have ten minutes, Jarvis,” Tony replied. He was still looking at the box in front of him, trying to figure out a way to stop the bomb. Taking out the nitroglycerin would just set off the entire thing before the clock hit zero, and so would trying to move it to somewhere more deserted.

“No, sir,” said Jarvis.

Tony waited from his AI to say anything else, point out some other viable option or at least try to brainstorm with Tony like they usually did, but Jarvis didn’t say anything further. The silence began to stretch around them.

Jarvis didn’t know how to stop the bomb, Tony realized, and neither did he.

“Oh,” Tony said.

Well. He never thought it would end like this. All things considered, it wasn’t a bad way to go. Alcohol or drugs would be worst. At least like this, he’ll be remembered in a good light.

“Guys, I can’t disarm the bomb,” he said over the comm. He heard Steve wake up on the other side, as well as his teammates ask him what was going on, but Tony wasn’t paying them any mind. “It’s gonna go off in a minute, you need to leave the area immediately. I’m sorry.”

“Tony, get out of there,” that was Steve. Tony could hear him running, which was good. Steve was a good runner, he’d be out of the impact area in no time.

“No, I can’t,” said Tony. He already had everything thought out. If he couldn’t stop the bomb, then at least he could try to stop the impact. “I need to contain the explosion. It’s the only way. Jarvis, get me out.”

He pulled himself to his feet and the suit stepped behind him without him. As he maneuvered it into position, Tony could hear Steve talk over his ear piece. He had half a mind to turn it the off, but what the hell. He was going to die. He didn’t deserve to have Steve talk to him on his last moments, but he was selfish enough to do it anyway.

“Tony, what are you going to do? Tony! I’m going back for you.”

“No, no, you can’t,” Tony could hear the fear in his own voice. “I’m going to put the suit around the bomb. It will lessen the impact, but I doubt it will fully stop it.”

“Then you need to leave before you _die_ ,” Steve practically spat the words out.

“I know, I just--” Tony finally got the bomb inside the suit after much careful manoeuvring, he closed it and got up, staring at red and gold metal for a second before he said, “thirty seconds,” and then he ran.

He hadn’t planned on running. He wasn’t sure why, it just hadn’t crossed his mind. They never run in the movies, but life wasn’t a movie. Life didn’t have a happy ending. It didn’t have people coming together in the end, grannies full of wisdom and wit or kisses beneath the rain. Life had Tony Stark tripping over his own feet as he run up the stairs at full speed.

He found a hallway full of labs, entered the one closest to him and then hid in what he opened was an explosions chamber. There was charring on the walls and the ceiling, but it could very well be an improvised BBQ spot for all he knew.

As he settled down on the floor, he realized he hadn’t turned his comm off and Steve was still talking to him through it.

“I’m ok, I’m hiding,” he said, interrupting whatever Steve was saying.

“You need to get out of the building,” came the reply.

“No time.”

And it was then that Tony wondered for the first time if it had been worth it. All those months of distancing himself from Steve and the team, focusing so much on work it gave him daily headaches. And what for? To spare him the pain of rejection? How bad could it be?

Bad, he thought. Breaking up with Pepper had been horrible, getting a rejection from Steve of all people would only be worse.

Still, couldn’t be as bad as dying alone in an illegal BBQ hot spot.

Boom! went the bomb and everything after that looked very much like nothing.

\- - -

_and i will swallow my pride_  
 _you're the one that i love_  
 _and i'm saying goodbye_

\- - -

“I’m still alive,” was the first thing he said after he woke up.

Lights - _hospital_ lights, Tony could recognize them anywhere - blared at him from above. Movement came to him slowly. First he opened his eyes, then he tried to lift his hand. He only managed to hold it in the air for two seconds, but it was good enough. He tried to crane his neck to look down at himself, but hospital sheets covered most of his body.

His arm didn’t look too bad, so Tony would assume the rest of his body was the same. Red, with no hairs longer present but none worse for the wear in the long run.

A polite cough from somewhere to his right told him there was someone else in the room.

Tony was only mildly surprised to see it was Steve, still wearing his Captain America costume, which stained with dirt all over and even some specks of blood. His hair looked like a mess, as if he had been running his hands through it for the past couple of hours.

“How bad is it?” asked Tony. It couldn’t be very bad if he was still alive, but if he didn’t ask now it’d just eat him up.

“You got first-degrees burns on most of your body. Doctors said you would be out in a week.” Tony sighed in relief. He could deal with some minor degree burns, and if he hadn’t received any bruises from falling rubble, that meant… “You were right, the suit contained the explosion. The heat was still enough to weaken the Tower, but nothing you can’t fix.”

“That’s good,” said Tony. Steve just looked away and didn’t say anything else, which prompted Tony to ask, “Are you mad at me?”

He should, he had all the rights to be. Tony had punched him on the face with the suit, to save him of course, but he knew how Steve felt about that kind of stuff. He’d also been treating Steve like crap for months. Risking his life for the greater good - _again_ \- should be the cherry on top of the cake.

Steve shook his head and got up, moving closer to Tony’s bed. Tony thought he could see him smile, but he was under painkillers at the moment so for all he knew, Steve’s very presence in the room could be an illusion. It certainly made sense that it was an illusion. After everything Tony had done, how hard he tried to push Steve away, it was a wonder the man still put up with him.

“You knocked me out, rushed into a room with a bomb alone and used your suit to contain the explosion. Yes, I’m mad at you, Tony, but mostly I’m just glad you’re alive.”

Tony stared at him in confusion. “But why? I’ve been treating you like crap for months. I lied to you and pushed you out the way even though I knew you’d hate me for it. Why are you still being so nice to me?” Tony asked, angry and frustrated at the man in front of him who was just too bloody _himself_ for Tony to deal with it.

Steve looked shocked at Tony’s words, but still somehow had the decency to look embarrassed as he spoke. “I thought you were just stressed with work and the Avengers. You’re always doing so much for the team, I thought I was annoying you the whole time. Why were you trying to push me away?”

And the way he looked so honest, like he just couldn’t fathom the reason behind Tony’s behavior, like he hadn’t judged or hated Tony for what he’d done, that it made Tony snap. He snapped and he said the words that had been plaguing his mind for the past couple of months.

“Because I love you, that’s why. And it’s not fair, that you get to be so nice and perfect and so bloody straight like one of Clint’s arrows,” Tony looked away, “you make it so difficult to hate you. Did you know that? Even when we fought I could never bring myself to hate you.”

The arrange of emotions that passed through Steve’s face went like this: confusion, doubt, confusion again, realization and anger. Lots of anger.

This was it, Tony thought. This was the moment he was waiting for. The moment Steve looked at him in disgust and said he would never feel the same way. Steve had said multiple times that he would always defend people’s freedom to love or be who they wanted, but saying something and doing it were two very different things. In reality, Tony knew he was lucky if he got off with a quick slap to the wrist and a ‘sorry, but no’, although from the anger in Steve’s eyes, he was already steeling himself for the worst.

He deserved it. After all those months hiding his feelings for Steve, but never fully stepping away like should have, he deserved all the anger and indignation Steve wanted to throw at him.

“Wait, you were pushing me away because you _love_ me? Tony, that doesn’t even make any sense,” said Steve, not shouting, but close to it. He didn’t give Tony a chance to reply, continuing with such determination and strength that all Tony could do was lie there and watch him. “You’re so brilliant, but you can be so stupid sometimes. And you’re always doing this. Always assuming things.

“Has it ever crossed your mind that I might feel the same way? In all those months of you trying to push me away and me still coming back,” now it was Steve’s time to look away before he looked at Tony again, eyes sharper than before and hiding a thin layer of pain, “that I might love you back?”

Tory just stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Brain devoid of any thought for the first time in his life.

“It never did, did it?” asked Steve with sad, little smile, all anger gone.

And Tony? He was lost for words. He always had something up his sleeve, but now he couldn’t think of anything to say, so the next word that tumbled out of his mouth was all honesty. Nothing else. No fear, no pain, no fury.

“No,” he said.

Steve sighed and let his head drop between his shoulders before he picked himself up again, smiling a little brighter than before.

“Do you want to start over?” asked Steve. Tony only looked at him in confusion, which made him extend his hand, smile and say, “Hi, I’m Steve Rogers and I love you.”

Even though his brain was still trying to catch up with what was going on, Tony had enough presence of mind to smile back.

“Hi, I’m Tony Stark,” they shook hands, “I love you too.”

\- - -

_and i will stumble and fall_  
 _i'm still learning love_  
 _just starting to crawl_


End file.
